Time Alone 2: Revenge of the Dorky Faces
by A Scary Man
Summary: STORY COMPLETE - in the face of impending doom, Vincent is forced to confess his feelings for Yuffie - but does he have enough time?
1. Chapter One

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN FF7 OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS

A/N: I suggest you read the first Time Alone story before starting this one!

Was it even right? After all, he was nearly 11 years her senior. He wasn't sure of the moral implications, but he knew one thing. He loved her.

Vincent Valentine sighed and stared across the room at the girl who was the object of his desire: sitting on the table, kicking her legs, looking bored and disinterested with the whole affair. The huge shuriken strapped to her back looked somewhat out of place on her small figure, but Yuffie carried it wherever she went. Vincent made up his mind to go over and talk to her.

"Hello," he said as he approached.

She looked up and flashed her usual cheeky smile, "Hey, Vinnie! Enjoying the party?"

"Not really. I'm not much of a party animal."

"Gosh, really? I'd never have noticed," she giggled.

"How about you?"

"Bored. Nobody will serve me drinks cos I'm only 17. Never mind the fact that I've seen things that would make them wet their beds every night, I'm still too young to drink," she said in a huffy tone, folding her arms crossly.

Cloud and Tifa had arranged a party to celebrate the first anniversary of the destruction of Meteor. Cloud and Tifa, thought Vincent, now THERE was a couple who had had no problems getting together straight away. Maybe one day he'd ask Cloud exactly how he'd gone about confessing his love to Tifa. Whatever he'd said, it must have worked, since they were married now, and had taken over and rebuilt the Gold Saucer after Dio's strange disappearance about a year ago. The Gold Saucer was where this party was now being held, in Event Square no less.

"Yuffie," said Vincent, trying to think of something to say to her. "Shall I buy you a drink?"

"Would you?" she asked. "Thanks, Vinnie! Here's 500 gil. Get me a bottle, will ya?"

He nodded and disappeared into the crowd, heading in the direction of the bar. There was a huge number of people densely packed into the room, but somehow they all managed to find enough space for the crowd to part and allow Vincent through. Nobody was completely comfortable in his presence, and none of them wanted to risk making him mad. Vincent lowered his head, to avoid making eye contact with anybody, and strode onwards.

Suddenly he was accosted by a man he knew all too well.

"Hey!" cried the red-haired man, out of his mind with drink, pumping Vincent's hand vigorously. "The name's Reno! I own this place, you know! Say, have we ever met before?"

"Unfortunately, yes," said Vincent, deadpan as usual. "And you don't own this place. It belongs to Cloud and Tifa. In fact, as far as I know, you have no current residence, nor any form of employment. I suspect that all you own are the clothes you are wearing now."

"No, they're Rude's," said Reno. "But I've still got my Electro Rod!"

He reached inside his coat and pulled out a bent, rusted metal rod, without a power cell.

"It doesn't work any more," he shrugged. "But I can still hit people with it. And it's quite useful for jimmying locks."

"The fall of Shinra Inc. did not treat you kindly, I see," said Vincent.

"Hey, don't be so negative!" Reno cried, slapping Vincent on the shoulder. "Come on, have a drink!"

He offered a half-full bottle of beer to Vincent, who pushed it away, saying, "Alcohol does not agree with my inner demons. I must remain sober to keep them subdued."

Reno was about to insist that Vincent have a drink, when he spotted somebody else to whom he didn't owe money, and ran over to greet them. Vincent continued on his way to the bar. Tifa was serving drinks while Cloud operated the cash register.

"One bottle, please," said Vincent.

"Vincent? I thought you didn't drink," said Tifa.

"I don't. It's for – a friend."

"Who?"

"Oh – um – nobody special," said Vincent, not feeling ready to let anyone else know of his feelings for Yuffie.

Tifa looked at him suspiciously, but she knew from past experience that if Vincent wanted to keep something secret, nothing short of exorcism threats could force it from him.

"OK, what would you like?"

"I told you: a bottle."

"Of what?"

"Um. . ." he hesitated, not sure what kind of thing Yuffie liked. "Something that tastes nice."

Tifa raised an eyebrow, "OK, here's some chocolate milk. 25 gil, please."

Vincent gave her a 100-gil coin. She handed him the bottle and passed the money to Cloud, saying slowly, "Okay, Cloud, now you open the cash register, and give the customer his change."

Cloud frowned, scratching his head, "Which button opens it up again? Oh, yeah, this one."

"Cloud, darling, that's the security button. You know what happens when you press that one."

"Oh yeah, the doors get locked and the security guards arrive! I like doing that!"

Tifa sighed, "Yes, but you're only supposed to do that when somebody has you at gunpoint and is trying to rob the cash register."

"He's got a gun, does that count?" said Cloud, pointing at the Death Penalty holstered ominously at Vincent's side.

"No, honey. It's that big green button, remember?"

"Oh yeah, I remember."

Vincent stood patiently waiting for his change while Cloud popped open the cash register.

"Now, his drink cost 25 gil, and he gave us 100 gil, so how much change does he get?" said Tifa in the calm, benign voice of a primary school teacher.

Cloud scratched his head again, "Um. . .no, wait, I can get this! 125 gil?"

"No, darling, that's adding. You're meant to be subtracting."

"Oh, that's much harder. Um. . .hang on. . .do you know the answer?" Cloud asked, addressing Vincent.

"75 gil," said the raven-haired man. "Please give me my money before I set my inner demons upon you."

"75 gil," Cloud repeated. "So that'd be four twenties and three fives?"

Tifa gave one of those sighs that only a weary wife can truly express, "No, honey. Look, I'll give the man his change. You serve the drinks."

She gave Vincent 75 gil and the silent gunman retraced his steps through the crowd back to where Yuffie was sitting.

"Here is your drink," he told her, handing over the bottle.

"Hey, chocolate milk, my favourite!" she exclaimed. "Why don't you sit here beside me?"

Vincent nodded and perched on the edge of the table beside her. Watching her out of the corner of his eye, he wondered what it was about her that enticed him so. She was cute, no doubt about it, but it was probably her bubbly, cheerful personality that attracted him, giving him an indirect access to emotions that he himself could no longer feel. He wanted to tell her how he felt, but he lacked the words. How could he say it without sounding dumb? 

"Yuffie," he intoned solemnly. "I desire to – um – you – oh, darn it – I want to. . ."

"What?"

"Oh nothing, never mind," he said, silently cursing his inability to express his feelings in words.

How would she react? Maybe she didn't like him at all. Maybe she thought he was weird, like the others did. Maybe she'd laugh at him, or scream and run away. After all, who wanted to go out with a man who was practically a vampire? He stood up.

"Where you going?" she asked.

"Outside for a walk," he replied. "I will be back soon."

"'kay. See ya!"

He left the room and went out on to one of the Gold Saucer's observation balconies that gave a broad, encompassing view of the world below. Most of it was desert, which didn't make for a particularly interesting view, but Vincent wasn't out here to sight-see. He glanced down at the spot where Cloud and Tifa had defeated Ruby Weapon a year ago, and reflected on his situation. Was part of the problem the fact that he couldn't let go of Lucrecia's memory, and moving on to a new love just didn't seem right? Lucrecia and Yuffie were very different people, and he loved them in different ways, so he didn't see why it should be a problem.

A strange noise came from above his head. Vincent paid it no heed. He was too deep in thought to care, and was taken by surprise when something struck him on the head, and flew off cackling. It was – a pumpkin. A flying pumpkin, no less. How strange. Another one hit him on the head, then another, then two more. Vincent raised his arms to protect himself from the pumpkins, and ducked into a doorway for cover. The pumpkins cackled and began breathing some purple smoke at him.

"Dorky Faces. . ." Vincent growled, remembering the name of the irritating pumpkins. "Your Funny Breath will not work on me. I am wearing a Ribbon."

The pumpkins continued to cackle evilly and cast Funny Breath. Vincent sighed, unholstered his weapon, and shot three of them down. The others whooped and warbled in insane glee, and three of them flew in close to grab the Death Penalty.

"Hey! My gun!"

They flew off with it and dropped it in the desert. Vincent watched it land in the sand several hundred feet below, then ducked to avoid five pumpkins swooping at his head. He ran back into the party room, seeking another weapon. The Dorky Faces followed him. A fat woman screamed, "Monsters!!"

Vincent grabbed a chair and began fending off the Dorky Faces that pursued him. More screams filled the air as people realised what was going on. 

"I could do with some help here!" Vincent announced, surrounded by pumpkins.

Reno leapt to his aid, smashing his beer bottle against a pumpkin, then tripping over Vincent's large feet, and landing in a drunken stupor, drooling intermittently on the floor. The guests began screaming and running for the exits. Tifa ran out from behind the bar, yelling, "Cloud! Press the security button!"

"Yaay!" Cloud whooped, pushing the button.

Instantly a tacky alarm (installed by Cait Sith) sounded, the doors failed to close, and the security guards ran in.

"Dammit!" Barret, wearing a sailor suit, yelled. "Who switched this for my security guard uniform?!"

"Never mind that, man!" Cid snapped bad-temperedly. "Who's taken my &*$%^ emergency smokes that I always keep in this uniform?!?!"

"Now, Cid, you know those aren't good for you," said Shera, appearing at his side and tugging on his arm.

"Leave me be, woman!!!" Cid yelled.

He grabbed the Venus Gospel and ran forward somewhat belligerently towards the Dorky Faces, Shera still hanging on to his arm and being dragged along in his wake. Barret loaded ammunition into his Missing Score and began firing at some Dorky Faces which had begun to circle above his head.

"Barret! You'll hit the guests!" yelled Tifa in alarm.

"AAARGGH!! I HATE DORKY FACES!!!" yelled Cloud, grabbing the Ultima Weapon from behind the bar, and performing a flying leap to land by Vincent's side.

Vincent's chair had broken in half and he was now swatting at pumpkins with his metal claw. No matter how many they dispatched, however, yet more Dorky Faces cascaded in through the door. There came the sound of smashing glass and they began pouring in through the windows as well. Like water pouring from a tap, the pumpkins flowed endlessly into the room. Yuffie, who'd been hiding amongst the décor, hoping to ambush and rob some unsuspecting rich guests, began to attack the group of pumpkins who'd discovered her hiding place.

"It's happening again!" Tifa yelled. "Every time we try to have a destruction-of-Meteor-and-defeat-of-Sephiroth-celebration party, we get attacked by Dorky Faces!"

Vincent noticed the predicament that Yuffie was in, and ran over to attack the group of Dorky Faces that surrounded her. By this time the guests had left the room, and only the eight party members plus Reno were left fighting the pumpkins. Red XIII leapt on top of a low-hanging chandelier to strike a dramatic pose; unfortunately it collapsed beneath his weight and he fell head-first into a large pot of noodles. Dorky Faces were continuing to pour through the doors and windows in dramatic numbers, circling around the room casting Funny Breath on the heroes, or knocking them on the back of the head unexpectedly. Every time a successful attack was made on the party, the pumpkins whooped with glee and danced around in victory.

"Tera Flare!" intoned Cait Sith, holding out a red Summon Materia.

"Hold on, you can't bring that in here!" Tifa screamed.

She was too late. The building began to shake, and Bahamut Zero was visible through the windows, steadily approaching, beating its powerful wings.

"Get the &*%$ out of here!!!!!" Cid yelled, leading a mad dash to the Highwind, which was tethered outside.

Unfortunately the Dorky Faces also saw what was coming, and their demented cackles filled the air as they too began streaming towards the exit. The heroes reached the Highwind only to find that the rope ladder had been pulled free and torn to pieces by the malicious pumpkins.

"Dammit, now we can't get on board!!" Cid snapped.

"It's okay, just watch this," said Cloud.

He bent his knees and performed an unlikely thirty foot jump (he does it all the time in the game so don't blame me if it's slightly unrealistic) up on to the deck of the Highwind. Once there he grabbed the spare rope ladder and threw it down. The others swarmed on board just as the giant figure of Bahamut Zero began to fill their vision. Cid sprinted to the flight deck to kick the engines into full power and perform an emergency take-off. They held on tight and prayed for dear life as the ship began to leave its moorings. Below they could see a barely-sober Reno performing a flying leap to grab the hanging rope ladder just before the ship took off. Cid turned the Highwind to face away from the Gold Saucer and hit the forward thrust controls.

Bahamut Zero was so used to flying in space that it hadn't quite grasped the concept of wind resistance. Indeed this was causing a few problems as the huge dragon found itself having to beat its wings much harder than normal to achieve flight. In fact it was so preoccupied with trying to keep a steady wing rhythm going, that it completely forgot to stop before it hit the Gold Saucer. The dragon's titanic form collided with the equally gigantic frame of the Gold Saucer, destroying most of the building's supports, and sending it collapsing sideways into the desert. 

The Highwind, given that it was being forced to run on still-cold engines, hadn't quite achieved full speed yet, and was directly in the path of the falling Gold Saucer.

"Oh – SH^&^$&^*&^&^!!!!!!!" Cid screamed as he saw the huge shadow falling over them. "ASSUME CRASH POSITIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The other party members hastily took cover under various pieces of machinery, their arms over their heads. Reno, slightly slower on the uptake, had taken the wrong meaning of the word 'crash' and was lying in a drunken heap under some newspapers and sodden blankets. The Highwind continued its unspectacular progress forwards, as the disintegrating structure of the Gold Saucer fell ever nearer.

"WE'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT!!!!!!!" Cid yelled.


	2. Chapter Two

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN FF7 OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS

Vincent looked up at the ominous shape of the Gold Saucer that was filling more and more of his vision with each passing second. Estimating its rate of descent, and assuming the Highwind continued its unimpressive rate of acceleration, their chances of survival were slim to say the least. Realising he might be facing the last few moments of his life, Vincent leapt into action.

Well, not straight away. As was his wont, he spent the next four or five seconds silently debating with himself whether or not his existence could be classified as 'life' after the alterations Hojo had made to him. He eventually decided it didn't matter; whatever it was called, it would be over very soon. He had to find Yuffie and tell her how he felt before he died. Overcoming his mind's enormous urge to debate with himself whether or not he was already technically 'dead', he looked around to find the ninja girl. Where was she?

He saw Yuffie, on her knees, holding her Conformer protectively in front of her, sheltering behind the minimal cover provided by a large packing case. Vincent hurried over and crouched down beside her.

"Vinny!" she exclaimed. "Is it all right? Are we gonna make it OK?"

Vincent looked at her, saw the hope of survival in her eyes, and he hated himself for having to destroy that hope.

"I fear we will not, Yuffie," he replied without emotion, seeing the dismayed expression appear on her face.

"I don't wanna die!" she cried, throwing her arms around him and holding on tight.

"Yuffie," Vincent said, deadpan. "There is something I must tell you before we die."

"What?" she asked, sobbing with fear.

"I am madly in love with you."

Momentarily forgetting her fear, she looked up into his eyes with a stunned expression, "_Seriously_?!?"

"I am always serious."

"Why didn't – why didn't you tell me earlier?" she gasped.

"I didn't know how to say it. Yuffie – will you marry me?"

She looked in his eyes for any indication that he was joking. Seeing that he was in fact deadly serious, Yuffie didn't hesitate in replying.

"Yes! Yes I will!" she cried excitedly, tightening her hold on him and pressing her face into his shoulder. "But we're going to die!"

Vincent didn't say anything. He was still coming to terms with the fact that she had said yes. He had to admit, he hadn't been expecting that. 

"All right, kids, listen up!" Cid yelled as he marched on to the observation deck from the bridge. "The Highwind's going as fast as she possibly can but we're not going to be able to escape! We've only got about ten minutes before we're squashed flat! Our only hope is to abandon ship!"

Vincent looked up as Cid ran over to the emergency closet and began pulling out the parachutes.

"Dammit!" Cid screamed. "There's only seven parachutes and there's nine of us!"

Barret looked up, "That ain't no problem. Just leave behind Cait Sith – Reeve can just build a new one – and that dumb-ass Shinra."

Cid glanced over to where Reno was lying comatose beneath his pile of filthy blankets and month-old newspapers, drooling intermittently on to the deck. It _was_ tempting to just leave him, Cid had to confess. He put off the decision, instead looking around to see where the rest of the party were. Tifa and Red XIII both cowered behind a piece of machinery, gazing up at the slowly descending Gold Saucer. Cait Sith was running about in a state of some alarm, tripping over seemingly every random object in his path. Cloud was nowhere to be seen.

"Cid!" Vincent shouted suddenly. "I have the solution!"

"Huh? What you talkin' about?"

"Yuffie and I will not need a parachute. I can transform into the Chaos beast and fly the two of us to safety."

"Your Limit Break's ready?"

"Yes. Hand out the parachutes quickly."

"Right!"  
Cid turned round to grab the parachutes, then let out a high-pitched scream when he saw what Cloud was doing. 

"Look!" the blond-haired leader of the party announced excitedly. "Tifa, I used a pair of scissors and I didn't cut myself this time!"

"That's very good, Cloud," said Tifa in a flat tone, as she also noticed what he'd done.

Cloud had cut holes in all but two of the emergency parachutes. Barret glanced over and also let out a high pitched scream, "YOU DAMN FOO'!!!!!!"

Cid collapsed to his knees, pounding the deck with his fist, wailing, "Why? Why?"

Barret fainted. Tifa considered grabbing the Missing Score and shooting herself. Or Cloud. Red XIII for once lost his eternal cool, and went into a frenzy of snapping and snarling, chasing his own tail. Cait Sith hit himself repeatedly over the head with his own megaphone until he fell unconscious by Tifa's feet. Cloud beamed and looked happily around at his friends, unable to understand why they were acting so strangely. Yuffie looked over at Cid, "How long now?"  
"'Bout five minutes," the pilot said morosely, lighting three cigarettes and smoking them simultaneously.

"In that case," said Yuffie, getting to her feet. "Listen up, everyone! Vincent has just proposed to me and we're getting married!"  
The other party members looked up in shock. Even Reno raised himself from his drunken stupor to mumble, "Wha?"

"Does that mean you'll have babies?" asked Cloud happily.

"Um – maybe…" said Yuffie.

"What kind of babies? Will any of them be kittens?"

"Uh – I shouldn't think so," she answered, though who knew what Hojo's experimentation had done to Vincent's reproductive system?

"If there are any kittens, can I have them?" he begged her.

"Sure. As many as you want," she said, to shut him up. "The point is, I want to get married before we die. I want to get married here and now."

"Now?" Tifa repeated. "You want to get married _now_?"

"Yes! It's not as if we'll get another chance!"

"But we haven't even got a priest or anything!" Cid pointed out.

Vincent shook his head, "We do not need one. You, Cid, as captain of our ship, are thus qualified to conduct a marriage."

"Hoo boy," the pilot sighed, lighting another cigarette and adding it to the three already between his lips.

"All right, places, everyone!!" Yuffie shouted. "We've got about five minutes before we die! Let's do this properly!"

Jolted into action, the party dashed about getting things ready. Cait Sith came running up with a bride's veil (pulled from heaven knows where) for Yuffie to wear. Vincent hastily brushed some of the dirt from his clothes, and tried to make his hair a bit more presentable, while Tifa hurriedly helped Yuffie put on her makeup. Cid and Barret dragged some crates into position to form an aisle and some seats. Red came bounding from the cargo hold with a top hat for Vincent. They looked around hurriedly for a ring; fortunately Tifa had a Fire Ring in her possession. Reno lay half-conscious and did, quite frankly, sod all. Cloud looked at the preparations with a childlike bliss and asked, "Will I get presents?"

Finally, with about two minutes to go, everything was ready. Vincent donned his top hat and stood at the altar (an upside-down crate that had once contained plastic figurines of Sephiroth). Yuffie adjusted her veil and went to wait at the back with Barret, who was standing in as father of the bride. The hastily arranged orchestra (Cait Sith on his megaphone, Red XIII using three crates as drums, and Cloud making odd whistling noises through his nostrils) started playing a suitably jaunty tune, and the wedding commenced. As time was precious, Yuffie and Barret dashed up the aisle towards the altar, and Cid stubbed out his four cigarettes, "Okay, I've never done this before. Let's see…dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God – um – "

"To see these two people wed in holy matrimony," Tifa, the matron of honour, prompted him.

"Uh – yeah, like she said," Cid added. "Um, a marriage is a happy and joyous occasion. But if anyone here can give just cause why these two should not wed…"

"No!" everyone shouted urgently, a few casting apprehensive glances at the huge shape of the Gold Saucer falling ever so slowly but ever so certainly towards them.

Unfortunately proceedings were interrupted as a gaggle of Dorky Faces swooped in from nowhere, cackling with glee, intent on seeing how much damage and disruption they could cause.

"SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP, YOU &*$%ING PIECES OF &*$%ING ^%£$!!!" Cid roared at the top of his lungs.

Stunned, the Dorky Faces fell silent, and meekly took their seats beside Reno and Cloud.

"Okay then," said Cid. "Vincent – you don't have a middle name, do you?"

"No."

"Vincent Valentine, do you take Yuffie – _you_ don't have a middle name, do you?"

"Not that I know of," she shrugged.

The huge bulk above move downwards imperiously.

"All right, Vincent Valentine, do you take Yuffie Kisaragi to be your wife, to love her and care for her, never to hurt her or leave her, as-long-as-you-both-shall-live?!" Cid yelled in a panicked tone, forcing the last few words together in a mad rush.

"I do," Vincent intoned solemnly.

"Yuffie Kisaragi, do you take Vincent Valentine as your husband, to do all the stuff I just said to him, love him, etc, yadda yadda yadda?!?" the stand-in priest yelped hurriedly.

"I do!" Yuffie screamed, as the creaking structure of the Gold Saucer collapsed on to the top decks of the Highwind, crushing down inexorably towards them.

"Then I pronounce you husband and wife! You may kiss your bride, Mr Valentine!"

As the ship disintegrated around them, Vincent put his hands on Yuffie's shoulders and gently pulled her close to him. For a moment they stared into each other's eyes, then slowly, almost in slow motion, they drew together and kissed each other softly on the lips.

And thus true love was sealed.

"Yaay!" Cloud exclaimed happily as the shadow of the falling Gold Saucer covered him in darkness. "I love happy endings!"


End file.
